John Wayne, Bob and Learning to "emote"

Let me start by saying I am a huge John Wayne fan! I would have to say that my all time favorite John Wayne movies are:  The Man Who Shot Liberty Valence, Rio Bravo (I love Stumpy), The Cowboys, True Grit (sorry Jeff Bridges, I still like the original), McLintock, The Sons of Katie Elder, Hellfighters and The Shootist. Between the two of us, my mom and I have quite a collection!  To me, these John Wayne movie characters represent a man that is worthy of respect.  People didn't always agree with him, but he did not alter his perspective based on what others said or thought of him.  At times his character would soften, but not without a just cause and reason.  I mean....not for the sake of appeasing others.  His characters typically represented a man of values in which I also highly esteem.

John Wayne picture photobombed by Felix the Cat

John Wayne also kind of reminds me of my dad, sometimes really tough and hard to understand.  He seemingly doesn't care what I think in certain things.  I'll give you an example......this Pony Ride sign (shown below).  It was given to my father by a dear family relative that lived in Nebraska named Grayston Cool.   It is very special to him, but it was sitting in his garage collecting dust instead of appreciation.  In my (correct but humble) opinion, this really fits the look of our house. I love things that I can decorate with that also mean something to our family historically.  And this does!

Well.......Bob doesn't like it there and insists that he is going to put it somewhere else (where it won't be as appreciated as much).  He just doesn't like it there.  It doesn't really matter what the rest of us say.....and he's gonna move it (supposedly....we'll see).

"Pony Ride" sign *feel free to let Bob know how good this looks right where it is*

My dad and I have had much more serious disagreements than a sign in the front of the house.  When you are all living together under one roof it becomes much bigger stuff. Issues with the kids, relationships with family, animals that we have, how to landscape the yard, what colors to use for paint and so much more.....believe me, we have had to learn to work together.  This is just the example I'm willing to share with you!



Let me interject here with a little background on the relationship between my dad and I.  He and I are VERY close now, in fact, I would consider him a best friend.  That wasn't always the case though. When I was a teen, he didn't understand me and I didn't think he wanted to.  If someone had told me that my dad and I would live together in this capacity when I was younger, I would have said "no way".  As I reflect on that period in my life, I have looked back and wished we would have worked at this relationship sooner.  BUT, I also wonder, if we hadn't struggled in those years, would these years be as good or as deep?  Our relationship is so good now, that I don't think I would change the way it was then.  Does that make sense?  I think what I'm saying is, because we have had to work so hard to understand each other and know each other's hearts, what we have now is much richer.  The effort has been worth every frustration and every tear.

The relationship that my dad has with my  3 sons is also extremely valuable to me.  If you have seen the movie "The Cowboys" you probably remember the scene in which John Wayne yells at a young boy with a stuttering problem.  And, if you are a mom you cringed and thought "you can't talk to kids like that John"!  Well, that would also describe some interactions my dad has had with my boys.  I have cringed at his 1960's way of saying a thing.  BUT, as in the movie, sometimes that is exactly what the boy needs.  That boy, that stuttering boy, had the courage in the end that he needed in order to succeed.  He got that courage through some tough love from an old grumpy man.  And in the end, he was better for it.

What I am witnessing taking place in my family is a connection between the generations.  What my dad and I both needed to do was to forgive our past mistakes or misunderstandings and move forward with a desire (at the very least) to acknowledge each other's perspective.  I don't know about him, but I would say that a greater love and respect has come since that time.  Even though we each have our own perspectives, and we think that those perspectives are accurate, resolution and relationship has come by acknowledging that fact.  Sometimes we have to stop and consider how someone else could see it.

Oh we've had some disagreements and no doubt we have many to come, I'm sure.  We've both had to say we are sorry (I especially like it when it's him) and we will need to continue to give each other grace as our needs change in the future.  Although he was the originator of this whole "multi generational" home idea, this transition cannot be easy for he and my mom. My dad is a deep thinker and he has carefully considered and planned for the needs to come.  Thinking too much about this can be frightening for me.....and I don't know what the future holds, but I know Who holds the future.  

I guess I want to close by saying.....I'm thankful for second chances in relationships.  We have both changed so much over the years.  I am so grateful that the Lord has given me another chance to really know my dad.  It's never too late.  At 76 years old, he is even beginning to "emote"....now that he knows what the word means.

Remember When?

For some reason lately I have been thinking a lot about my childhood.  Maybe because my boys are between the ages of 8 and 12 and I'm thinking about what life was like for me at their ages.  They hear me talk a lot about things I did growing up.  I feel like life for them is different in some ways, but the same in others.  Kids figuring things out....sometimes the hard way.  Getting hurt, having success AND losses in life.  As I consider my perspective on childhood, I have to say I had a good one.  What made it good?  I'm glad you asked.......

Let me set the stage a little by saying that NONE of theses houses were here:

A 2015 View

A 1967 View

We had a GIANT playground!

• Ronald Reagan (of course)!  He was THE president that I remember growing up.  He came in to office when I was learning to read and he left office when I was learning to drive.  (I'll save you the trouble...that makes me 42ish).  At first I liked him because I had a lot in common with him....he liked jelly beans and so did I.  And his birthday was February 6th, and so was mine. That was really all it took to sell this first grader.  As I grew up, I learned more about what he did for our nation and I just felt safe (remember the nuclear scare? I do).  Four presidents later, I appreciate him even more.  I remember where I was when he was shot and how the nation reacted.  I was a young girl, but I was a patriot and a huge fan of this great man.
  

This rest of what I think made my childhood great are a series of things that have to do with entertainment.  I feel like I need to start by saying that we lived rurally, so we didn't have cable, close neighbors, internet (Al Gore hadn't invented it yet) or video games.  We had three channels on the television (with an antenna on the roof), no remote control, a party line (now we have Facebook to find out what our neighbors are doing) and power outages.  I have to mention this because I think this is really what made the next bullets great.  We had to come up with our own excitement, not follow someone else's.  

• Hot summer days (since it's been 100+ lately) have been on my mind.  How did we stay cool? We only had a swamp cooler in our house so being inside wasn't necessarily the best option. When we were really little, we had a kiddie pool that we would get in and sprinklers to run in once in a while.  When we got older and it was DESPERATELY HOT out we got our swim suits on and got in the cow watering trough.  Ewww, I know!  We didn't stick our heads in but we sure did cool off.  

  

  What happened to that canoe????

• We built a fort.......ok, really my brother built the fort.  He built it with cinder blocks and my sister would do the decorating.  We loved to play Little House on the Prairie (at least I did....I won't implicate my siblings) and pretend to cook in our kitchen.  My big brother was probably out on his Kawasaki looking for ground squirrels and rattlesnakes to hunt.

This picture of the original house was taken when my brother was a baby.  The cinder blocks in the left corner would eventually be the fort he built for us.

• Agate hunting on evening walks is another great memory.  We found some beautiful rocks! My parents had a rock polisher with a huge collection of agates.  We took this hunt pretty seriously! The old Bombing Range Road had some real gems.  For some reason, agate hunting is still in my blood. Gravel roads bring it out in me and I'm still searching for the most beautiful rock a little girl can find!

Can you find the agate?????

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• We played dress up with our cats.  They LOVED IT!  I'm sure of that!  This never stopped being fun and I have lots of pictures of dressed up cats to prove it.  

  

  Look how much fun this kitty is having!

• We had parades.  I especially remember the time my dad hooked up the tractor and trailer.  My sister and I road down our gravel road in our swim suits and sashes on our hay filled "float". What fun!  We were only waving at sagebrush and loved every minute of it!

  

  My big sister and I (that haircut was supposed to look like Dorothy Hamel - that's for another blog post)

There are plenty more good memories that I could share.  I had an awesome little pink Barbie Jeep (not the kind I fit in, but my Barbies did) that I would make mud and go off road in. I wasn't afraid to get dirty.  Accidents with horses, pitch forks, and needing tetanus shots regularly.  But I find long blog posts are not my thing.  

I watch my boys at these ages and think about all those memories.  I want to offer them the same opportunities that I had.  They are doing some of the same things.....building forts and designing plans for a bigger one, torturing kittens and agate hunting has been passed down somewhat (although gravel roads are a little harder to find).  Good times and good memories of a life that has been blessed.

Fort Thompson 2015

The Kirkwood Sisters

One of the greatest benefits of  multi-generational living is getting to build closer relationships with my aunts and uncles.  Because we all live in the same house, when someone in the family visits or calls my parents............my family and I also have the opportunity to grow these relationships.  What a tremendous blessing it has been!

This past week, my sweet (ok and sometimes sour) Aunt Charlotte came to visit us from the great state of Texas.  We had such a great time!  As I scroll through the pictures on my phone, I'm so thankful for the memories we made in her 10 day visit.  

Clockwise from top left: Bonnie, Barbara, Charlotte & Roberta (my mom)
Aren't they adorable?

I love to hear the stories about life when they were growing up....from each of them.  They all have a little different perspective of things and how events impacted the family.  They are all exceptionally talented ladies, each with a little different spin on how they would do it.  Raising boys only, it was incredibly interesting to hear about life at their house growing up.  I feel like I had the opportunity to become much more educated in family history and it gave me a lot of insight on how and why I was raised the way I was.  Four sisters in one house, but each very, very different from the other.  As they have gotten older, it appears to me that their fondness for each other has only gotten deeper.  What a beautiful picture of family ties.  

We were able to head to the west side of our state to visit our dear Aunt Bonnie and Uncle Jim.  We had such a lovely visit and although it was short, probably the most memorable time for me to enjoy almost all the Kirkwood girls (we missed you Aunt Barbara).  I was able to meet up with a cousin of mine that I hadn't seen in probably 20 years and hear her memories of time spent with my mom when she was a little girl.  Hearing these sweet stories and learning how even hard times can bring families together in a unique way.  The Lord has been good to our family!

3 out of 4 Kirwood sisters (left to right: Roberta, Bonnie and Charlotte) and although I did get their permission to put this on my blog (even though they all had something to say about why they didn't like it) I thought it captured the fun time we were having and the love they have for each other!

During my Aunt Charlotte's visit to Richland, stopping by the "Spudnut Shop" was a must!  It has been in Richland since 1948.  The Kirkwood girls told me that they used to walk down and enjoy a spudnut a la mode on occasion.  We thought we'd do that again:

"Spudnut a la mode"

There were so many interesting and telling things that I learned about my family on this visit.  So many questions that I was able to ask that I hadn't thought much about before....."what did my aunts think of my dad at first?", "what was my Grandma Kirkwood like from other perspectives?", "how difficult was it to lose her at such a young age?" So many stories.... sad and happy stories.  The things that I learned on this visit would not necessary interest those outside my family.  But it did make me wonder how many of us take the time to know our parents' siblings.  They hold a lot of history and I have been extremely blessed by pursuing those relationships.

A subdivision and street that my dad named after my mom's family.

Critters and Cows

One of the many reasons we wanted to live in a more rural setting was so that we could have some animals.  Some for pets.......and some for food.  In the last few months we have gained quite a few new critters and we are lovin' it!  Let's start with the pets.......

Meet Jessie:  She is our ten year old Labrador Retriever that we have had for about 9 years now.  She is a very friendly dog who loves humans.  We get frequent phone calls that she is visiting various people in the neighborhood.  I have to confess, the shedding hair, her slobbering on my kitchen slider and licking me, I find kind of annoying.  But she is a great dog!  She's been an excellent hunting dog, great with the kids, mostly obedient (especially to her master - Dale) and just an all around good pet.

Meet the bunnies (or rabbits if you are too manly to say "bunnies"):  We have three rabbits ~ Jack, Becky and Valentina.  Jack (black) is a Mini Satin/Mini Rex mix who is a very funny bunny (shhhh he's my favorite).  He likes to snuggle right up on your neck and relax for long periods of time. Becky is a Mini Lop (grey) that will be Isaac's 4H show rabbit this year.  Becky is kind of tempermental but she does have her looks going for her.  Then there is Valentina (brownish black), Levi's 4H show rabbit is a Mini Lop with super soft fur and a sweet disposition.

Levi and Valentina (she got her first tattoo)

Bonnie (we are bunnysitting), Becky and Valentina

Jack Black (aka Funnybunny)

KITTENS!  I am so excited about these little critters!  I've been waiting a lot of years for kittens because we wanted indoor/outdoor cats which didn't really mix in our last home.  Their names are Felix and Emma and they are brother and sister.  They are so fun to watch and I have discovered how much they have in common with my boys.  One minute they are sleeping, the next minute they are playing with each other, and then.......they start wrestling.  Curiosity and mischief are their middle names. Same as my boys.....what a coincidence!  They have been an excellent tool for a heads up on girls.  I advised my boys: "kittens are like girls, the more you ignore them, the more they will like you". Some may disagree, but at this point I'm taking advantage of my boys taking their momma's advice!

Felix (front) and Emma (back)

Frogs and Tadpoles:  As soon as our irrigation pond fills every year, we have a lot of tadpoles.  I have one boy in particular that I'm pretty sure is part amphibian.  He catches more frogs and tadpoles than anyone I have ever known.  He can see a frog in the grass or the mud that no one even spots.  We enjoy watching the tadpoles grow in to frogs and we have made a lot of friends happy (maybe not their moms, but hey, can't win them all) by giving them as gifts.

Cows:  This year we have a couple of cows that we have named "8" and "10".  We feel like our boys need to understand the cycle of life and.....we love beef around here! I have to admit that each fall there is a little sadness for me that our cattle are no longer grazing in the pasture.  But.......home grown beef is much tastier in my opinion and I feel better about the food that I am feeding my family when I know where it came from.

Ole number "8" from my kitchen window

I can't hear you....can you repeat that, please?

Hearing loss.......those that either suffer from it, or suffer with communicating with someone with significant hearing loss, may be able to relate to our story.......

My sweet mother has severe hearing loss.  The specific reason for her hearing loss is not known for certain.  She did have a serious case of rheumatic fever as a child with very high fevers.  That it just one of the possibilities. (I'm pretty sure she wasn't listening to Elvis, volume cranked with ear buds....but maybe?).

Roberta Kirkwood Lattin 1958

In the recent year and a half that we have been living together I have observed some significant things that cause frustration for....I'll say, a few of us....

• When mom doesn't know that someone is having a conversation and she starts a new one.
• Cell phone conversations are nearly impossible, so texting is better.....if she knows she received a text.
• Family dinner with 7 people carrying on multiple conversations, mom usually gets left out.
• She requires a large headset to hear the television, when she is wearing this headset she cannot hear anything else going on around her (buzzers, timers, alarms, phones ringing, etc.)
• We have to be in the same room talking right to mom (face to face).  She is partially reading lips so this is crucial.
• She and Dad sit next to each other in the living room, not across from each other....and yes mom, he does mumble a little!;)
• You might as well forget communicating with mom when going to a restaurant with all the clanking dishes and different conversations going on.  

You are probably thinking....."sounds like she needs hearing aids".  You are correct, but this is all with hearing aides. She has had a set of reputable hearing aides for years and without these aides it is nearly impossible to communicate with her at all.  I have felt that there has to be something better our there especially in this age of technology we live in.

Well, I've covered the frustrations that I can relate to, but what about how my mom feels?  This isn't easy for her at all!  She feels left out, confused, frustrated and often she completely checks out of the conversation because she does not want to be a burden to us by asking us to repeat ourselves multiple times.  I know that there have been times that she feels talked down to, as if she is unintelligent because of the way we are talking to her.  

I have found that my sons and nephews are completely patient with mom's hearing where the adults are often not.  They do not at all mind repeating themselves and will go to whatever measures necessary to make sure Grandma hears them.  I'm often hard on my boys, but watching them with their Grandma has been a great example to me in this area.  

Recently my brother, sister-in-law and I decided to have sort of a "hearing intervention" with my mom.  She and Dad have known that there are many other options out there regarding this technology, but let's be honest.....hearing aides are expensive.  The devices she has been wearing were expensive.  No one is too excited to spend large sums of money on a "hope so, maybe it'll work" kind of band aid.  We want to communicate with her again.  She wants to be part of the conversation in real time, without having to be filled in later.  She is a social person and this has effected her spirit as well.  

My brother and sister-in-law have a very good high school friend (Scott Williams with Huston Hearing) that sells hearing aids.  He offered to let mom try a new set for a couple of months  with no obligation or contracts.  I know there are probably other places that offer this, but he was willing to come to our house, talk to us, hear exactly what we are all struggling with, and make his best effort to help.  He's not a pushy salesperson, he seems to really care about the outcome here. 

Needless to say, we have been blown away!  He has given mom some trial hearing aides that have already been life and relationship changing.  She can now hear me from the next room, while the water is running!  With the trial option, she is able to experience these hearing aids in a variety of settings. In the car, on the phone, in a restaurant, in a group conversation, at the dinner table with multiple conversations going on.  So far, she is extremely pleased and I have already noticed myself relaxing quite a bit.....knowing that she can hear me, and she isn't bluffing about it.

I guess I want to summarize this story by saying that mom's hearing loss isn't just a frustration, it's caused a break down in relationships.  We start to avoid talking to people when we know they can't or won't be able to hear us.  It's been heartbreaking for me and I've not been as patient as I should have been.  Life is busy, I get in a hurry, and sometimes skip the people I love the most for the sake of time.

There is light at the end of this tunnel, at least for now, and we have renewed hope in the latest technology. I am not sure why hearing aids are so expensive, but that seems to be the way it is.  Dad has said all along that it is not so much about the cost, if we can actually improve mom's hearing.  Family is so important and we are on a journey that I am so incredibly thankful for!

"Kindness is the language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see."  ~ Mark Twain

Fried Egg Sandwiches

Lately I have been trying to pause and focus on the little things in life.  The things that make me smile and say "thank you Lord, for the abundant life You have given me".  This morning I had one of those times, and I thought since it had been way too long since I posted a blog entry, this would be a good time!

I got up early this morning to meet with a friend.  I received a call by 7:00 a.m. from my middle son (Levi), asking where I was and when I'd be home.  Then, another from my oldest (Isaac) at about 7:15 wondering what was for breakfast.  Well, since I wasn't there, they took matters into their own hands.  You see, we aren't a cold cereal family, it's typically a more complicated, and warm breakfast around here. When these boys are hungry, and waiting for mom or cold cereal aren't good options, they start doing their own cooking (funny how that works)!

I came home to find a small mess in the kitchen (no big deal).  What I found warmed my heart......Levi (age 10) had written out the instructions for making a fried egg sandwich from Grandma the other day.  The boys LOVE Grandma's fried egg sandwiches and I must say, they are delicious!  Personally, I think just a small amount of mustard is the key to making this sandwich amazing!

 Here are the ingredients:  2 eggs, cheese, bacon (thank you Kirkland Brand for making bacon attainable to enjoy with pretty much every meal), salt, pepper, toast, butter, mayo and mustard.

How to, Grandma Lattin's Way:

1. Scramble eggs in a coffee mug (adding a half tsp of water helps make them fluffy).
2. Melt a pat of butter into a non-stick skillet over medium-low heat.
3. Pour scrambled eggs into hot skillet and leave them alone for a few minutes (this helps with the fluffiness aspect).
4. Now it's time to add the bacon (just want to say we love you bacon!), salt and pepper.
5. When the egg is set up, flip it over and sprinkle on the cheese.  Also add more salt and pepper.
6. Oops, make sure you get that bread toasted, buttered with mayo and a hint of mustard.
7. Slap that baby on the toast and enjoy with a nice glass of cold milk!

Levi's notes

This looked so inviting, I had to make a half a sandwich for myself!

I know it's a small thing, but these kinds of memories are so valuable.  The relationship that we have here is unique, and I am so incredibly thankful!