John Wayne, Bob and Learning to "emote"

Let me start by saying I am a huge John Wayne fan! I would have to say that my all time favorite John Wayne movies are:  The Man Who Shot Liberty Valence, Rio Bravo (I love Stumpy), The Cowboys, True Grit (sorry Jeff Bridges, I still like the original), McLintock, The Sons of Katie Elder, Hellfighters and The Shootist. Between the two of us, my mom and I have quite a collection!  To me, these John Wayne movie characters represent a man that is worthy of respect.  People didn't always agree with him, but he did not alter his perspective based on what others said or thought of him.  At times his character would soften, but not without a just cause and reason.  I mean....not for the sake of appeasing others.  His characters typically represented a man of values in which I also highly esteem.

John Wayne picture photobombed by Felix the Cat

John Wayne also kind of reminds me of my dad, sometimes really tough and hard to understand.  He seemingly doesn't care what I think in certain things.  I'll give you an example......this Pony Ride sign (shown below).  It was given to my father by a dear family relative that lived in Nebraska named Grayston Cool.   It is very special to him, but it was sitting in his garage collecting dust instead of appreciation.  In my (correct but humble) opinion, this really fits the look of our house. I love things that I can decorate with that also mean something to our family historically.  And this does!

Well.......Bob doesn't like it there and insists that he is going to put it somewhere else (where it won't be as appreciated as much).  He just doesn't like it there.  It doesn't really matter what the rest of us say.....and he's gonna move it (supposedly....we'll see).

"Pony Ride" sign *feel free to let Bob know how good this looks right where it is*

My dad and I have had much more serious disagreements than a sign in the front of the house.  When you are all living together under one roof it becomes much bigger stuff. Issues with the kids, relationships with family, animals that we have, how to landscape the yard, what colors to use for paint and so much more.....believe me, we have had to learn to work together.  This is just the example I'm willing to share with you!



Let me interject here with a little background on the relationship between my dad and I.  He and I are VERY close now, in fact, I would consider him a best friend.  That wasn't always the case though. When I was a teen, he didn't understand me and I didn't think he wanted to.  If someone had told me that my dad and I would live together in this capacity when I was younger, I would have said "no way".  As I reflect on that period in my life, I have looked back and wished we would have worked at this relationship sooner.  BUT, I also wonder, if we hadn't struggled in those years, would these years be as good or as deep?  Our relationship is so good now, that I don't think I would change the way it was then.  Does that make sense?  I think what I'm saying is, because we have had to work so hard to understand each other and know each other's hearts, what we have now is much richer.  The effort has been worth every frustration and every tear.

The relationship that my dad has with my  3 sons is also extremely valuable to me.  If you have seen the movie "The Cowboys" you probably remember the scene in which John Wayne yells at a young boy with a stuttering problem.  And, if you are a mom you cringed and thought "you can't talk to kids like that John"!  Well, that would also describe some interactions my dad has had with my boys.  I have cringed at his 1960's way of saying a thing.  BUT, as in the movie, sometimes that is exactly what the boy needs.  That boy, that stuttering boy, had the courage in the end that he needed in order to succeed.  He got that courage through some tough love from an old grumpy man.  And in the end, he was better for it.

What I am witnessing taking place in my family is a connection between the generations.  What my dad and I both needed to do was to forgive our past mistakes or misunderstandings and move forward with a desire (at the very least) to acknowledge each other's perspective.  I don't know about him, but I would say that a greater love and respect has come since that time.  Even though we each have our own perspectives, and we think that those perspectives are accurate, resolution and relationship has come by acknowledging that fact.  Sometimes we have to stop and consider how someone else could see it.

Oh we've had some disagreements and no doubt we have many to come, I'm sure.  We've both had to say we are sorry (I especially like it when it's him) and we will need to continue to give each other grace as our needs change in the future.  Although he was the originator of this whole "multi generational" home idea, this transition cannot be easy for he and my mom. My dad is a deep thinker and he has carefully considered and planned for the needs to come.  Thinking too much about this can be frightening for me.....and I don't know what the future holds, but I know Who holds the future.  

I guess I want to close by saying.....I'm thankful for second chances in relationships.  We have both changed so much over the years.  I am so grateful that the Lord has given me another chance to really know my dad.  It's never too late.  At 76 years old, he is even beginning to "emote"....now that he knows what the word means.